it's that boozy egg nog time of year

season 2! Bite into this is back, baby.

It’s December, it’s the holiday season, I’m cooking nonstop. Welcome back to Bite into this. I know you’ve mourned my tragic absence from your inbox.

Suffice to say that sometimes personal sorrows, crises of faith, and professional obligations get in the way of work that brings joy, but I’ll save those details for a more reflective time. While I’ve been gone, I’ve written a lot I’m proud of (on beer!), a lot that makes no sense to anyone I know (on math!), and one big, beautiful feature about how oysters could clean the pollution suffocating our coastlines, if only we’d let them. Please give it a read if you’re looking for a long, time-sucking story.

Here at Bite into this, I’m excusing away the long hiatus by calling this Season 2. I’ve got lots planned — a reflection on the unexpectedly gorgeous fish in Ireland, spending all day cooking Korean barbecue, learning how to make pasta by hand — but today, as befits the season, I’m starting with egg nog. (Scroll down to the bottom if you’re just looking for the recipe, and remember that you should plan to make this at least two full days in advance of when you will be drinking.)

In order to be appropriately open-minded about the nog, you must begin by throwing away all preconceived notions. Egg nog from the grocery store has no relationship to this concoction. FDA rules actually limit the egginess of store-bought, making it much more mystery liquid than anything else. (Check out the ingredient list on the back of one of those containers the next time you’re in the store). The grocery nog is a sort of slimy, creamy, spiced goo.

For real egg nog, any basic recipe online will get you in the right general area: some combination of cream, eggs, sugar, and booze, served with a fresh sprinkling of spices. If you’ve never had a homemade nog and are somehow under the impression that it’s gross, this is where you should start.

But for the truly good stuff, there’s one more key ingredient: Time. Egg nog existed before refrigeration and certainly before Louis Pasteur invented pasteurization — but people did not drop dead left and right from drinking unrefrigerated eggs and cream. They avoided a terrible salmonella death because the well-spiked nog was allowed to sit for months, or even for a year. And while the bacteria silently screamed for mercy in a sea of ethanol, the flavors of the booze (spice, caramel, wood, vanilla, etc.) melded with the egg and cream, creating a much mellower feel on the tongue than what one encounters with a freshly-spiked drink.

An aged egg nog is for everyone, from the liquor lovers to those who complain that spiked nog is just too strong to be palatable. The aged stuff is more like liquid ice cream. It’s what you imagine a boozy milkshake to be, rather than what you get when you actually order one.

the stages of nog creation

I’ve been making the same egg nog recipe since before I could legally drink. My Jew(ish) family hosts a big Christmas every year; we serve latkes for Christmas lunch, and sometimes homemade pita breads for Christmas dinner. We bake hundreds of gingerbread cookies and deep fry cubes of bread pudding. We pile on the gifts. We literally deck the halls.

We’re an American stereotype — minus the alcohol. My mom hardly drinks and my dad is sober, making childhood holidays uncharacteristically mild. Only when my generation came of age to bring the booze did we begin what has become a very important eggy tradition.

During that first nog attempt, I was beyond frustrated by the fact that every recipe cautioned against high calorie counts, saturated fats, stupid amounts of liquor, and potential salmonella poisoning. There was just too much explaining, caveating, and adapting for a holiday cocktail that has endured since the 14th century.

I’ve extolled the value of old cookbooks in this newsletter before; this became a case for one such book, the 1951 Joy of Cooking still kept in a place of prominence in the Kramer kitchen. There, amid pages of punches that call for elaborate ice sculptures and handles of rum and booze-soaked pineapple and other party tricks lost to time, sat: “Egg nog in quantity: Some people like to add a little more spirit to the following recipe, remembering Mark Twain’s observation that ‘too much of anything is bad, but too much whisky is just enough.’”

The drink was so fucking delicious, I don’t really know what else to say about it. I make it twice a year now, once for a holiday party and once for family Christmas, and every year I make more than before. I get requests from people I barely remember meeting. I get requests from uncles and cousins. I’ve gotten so many asks for the recipe this year that they finally prompted me to bring this newsletter back to life.

So here’s that recipe. Over the years, I’ve combined several different versions from different editions of the Joy for a simpler cocktail that’s easier to make. This recipe will make more than a gallon of liquid — much of that is whipped egg white, so it will shrink down a bit with time — and should ideally be allowed to age in the fridge for at least two or three days. It does feature raw eggs, and while the high amount of alcohol should sterilize the eggs, I’m including a disclaimer here because the CDC doesn’t recommend people consume raw eggs. Do with that information what you will, and if you need peace of mind you can pasteurize the eggs with the milk/cream.

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Aged Egg Nog

Makes just over 1 gallon. This drink is very alcoholic, very thick, and very rich, and it should be served in small glasses or even teacups.

Ingredients

• 12 egg yolks

• 10-12 egg whites

• 1 pound of confectioner’s/powdered sugar

• 8 cups of heavy cream (or a 50/50 mix of heavy cream and half and half, or heavy cream and whole milk, if you prefer a thinner and lighter drink)

• 7-8 cups of liquor of your choosing. I do predominately bourbon, about two cups of cognac or brandy, and sometimes a cup of spiced aged rum. The cream, sugar, and eggs are so heavy that I wouldn’t waste any particularly sophisticated booze here, you’ll lose any nuance. More serious cocktail people might disagree with me, but I promise the difference won’t matter.

• Whole nutmeg, for grating

Directions

1. Separate the egg whites and yolks, discarding the last few whites.

2. Whip egg yolks in a stand mixer until very light and very fluffy, using the paddle attachment. This will take longer than you think, I usually leave it mixing on a pretty high setting for at least a minute. The yolks should become noticeably paler.

3. Slowly beat in the confectioner’s sugar.

4. Very slow pour two cups of liquor into the stand mixer while it is running.

5. Turn off the mixer and use a spatula to scrape the sides and bottom of the bowl.

6. If your mixer bowl is already looking pretty full, this is where you move everything to an even larger bowl with a whisk. If you have a bigger stand mixer bowl, you’re probably okay mixing in the stand mixer, but just pay attention and beware it might get very full.

7. Pour in the rest of the liquor, as well as the cream/milk mixture, whisking the whole time.

8. If you haven’t already emptied your mixer bowl, empty the liquid into a bigger container that you can whisk, scraping the sides of the bowl and whisking it all into the mixture. Clean your mixer and attach the whisk instead of the paddle attachment.

9. Whip the egg whites with the whisk attachment in the stand mixer until they hold peaks, but not until they look dry.

10. Fold the egg whites into the rest of the mixture, taking your time. Make sure you use a spatula or spoon to gently fold; don’t whisk, or you’ll lose the fluffiness of the egg whites and defeat the point of separating them.

11. Pour egg nog into storage containers and keep in the fridge for at least a couple of days. I use very large glass jars, you could use a pitcher or bowl with a lid if you needed to, just make sure your container is sealed. Because the liquid will start to separate, occasionally stir or gently flip the jars. Don’t be alarmed if it looks chunky or bubbly, the egg whites do weird things when they sit for awhile. The flavor gets less exciting after about a week of aging, so I wouldn’t make it more than a week ahead.

12. Once it’s time to serve, carefully stir the nog to disperse anything extra bubbly or chunky from the separated eggs and cream. Be patient, this might take a minute.

13. Ladle into small cups and top with a grating of fresh nutmeg.

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If you’ve got questions about the recipe, feel free to respond to this email or leave a comment, and I’ll answer as best as I can. Until next week…

the effects of the nog (circa 2021)